Out-of-the-Blue, One-of-a-kind-LOVE

Of all the promises I made to myself

To live a better being;

Never did I once remember including-

To love someone so hard again.

Of all the things I planned out for myself,

Never did I remember including you

Or just someone like you for that matter-

To live with your kind of love.

No, you did not sweep me off my feet

You did not appear like a Prince,

And you were far from perfect,

Yet you were different in your own unique way. 

I did not fall for you instantly,

Infact I don’t even remember when it all started;

All I know is that we were both imperfect ordinary beings-

So in love with each other’s imperfect broken and mended self.

That when our stories were shared

We felt like each part of a puzzle piece that was broken and long lost

That fitted perfectly when found.

But best of all-

We never tried to impress each another;

We were both living our own lives

But in the process of living our dreams and our survival-

We found one another.

And I won’t try to paint it all rosy,

It’s not pleasant and easy all the time,

But it’s definitely worth a fight-

Afterall love like this comes only once.

You respect me like any lady deserves,

You pamper me like any father would do to his daughter, 

You guide me like any mentor would to his follower,

But most of all-

You listen to me and treat me like a true companion

Which makes me feel the safest and I am my truest self when I’m with you.

I know I don’t need a saving,

I can live without you, no doubt-

But I choose to love you each day

And I choose to let you walk beside me;

Not because I’m lonely,

Not because I need you or your love;

But because I want you, 

To be by my side;

And I want to walk beside you,

And give you all of my loving

And get all of your loving,

Unconditionally.

It may not last forever,

I’d wish upon the stars for it to last as long as I live though-

Yet I will cherish it for as long as it lasts;

As it may not be the best of all

But this love definitely is one of a kind.

Those nights

And some nights it still haunts you

Some nights it swallows you up

Some nights you wish you could forget it all

Some nights You hate nobody else but you alone

It kills to know how he loved you a little lesser

The moment he knew your truth

The real truth he will never know though

Is how you dragged yourself up from your mess

And gave all that was left of you

Only to know that you’ve lost it again

Oh! how it cuts you deep

Too deep that you feel numb

And how it starts to feel like a dream again

Some nights you dreamt of happy ever afters

Some nights you thought you deserved the happiness you had

Some nights you made a promise to yourself to love him for better or for worse

Some nights.. only some nights

You thought it’ll come back to eat you alive

And as it eats you alive little by little

You start to realise that there is no escape

From this bitter truth of the so called “irreversible life” you led

So you give yourself up

And this time you know there is no waking up

From it as you surrender your sweet self

To the abyss

But on your way down to the abyss

You still remember that

Some nights.. only some nights..

You dreamt of him picking you up

And leading you to eternal joy

Embracing your better and your worse

Just like the nights he promised he would

Those nights..

Alas! Those nights..

For you

Two years ago..who would’ve thought

I know things change but never expected it to be that soon

Meeting and parting with you was the shortest ever

Never had I trusted anyone that much that soon

And never had I wanted anyone that bad that time

Though for a very brief moment

You appeared suddenly and shone instantly

You stood out from the rest

But I knew it was too good to be true

You disappeared just like the way you appeared

Suddenly.

I couldn’t comprehend the answers to whats and hows and whys

I blamed you, I blamed me, I blamed everyone involved

And in my search for the answers

I realised, we were meant to be this way

Though for the shortest time in my life

I’ve had the strongest bond with you

And you proved to me that it doesn’t matter who have stayed the longest

You had your reasons and I understand

And I’ve learned to love you from far

And for all the lives involved

For all the savings you’re doing

For being the hero

Know that you’re my hero too

You touched my life like none

You took me to a whole new level of trust and bonding

And for all these and many more other reasons

You’ll always be in my heart

You’ll always be that someone special

Always.

Traumatic choices!

They say, “If you can’t forget about it then it’s probably worth going after”.

I cannot forget about you.

I think of you every single day.

I think of you when I’m sad.

I think of you even more when I’m happy.

Wishing you were the first to know about my happiness.

I see you often in my dreams.

We share everything about us in my dreams.

With ease, like nothing has happened.

And I wake up with that empty feeling.

I tried my best to let you go.

Because I felt it was what you wanted at that time.

But my instincts makes me feel that I was the one who pushed you away.

I guess we’ll never know who is to be blamed.

You seem to be moving on well with your life.

But your eyes, oh those eyes! They tell me a different story.

I’d rather sit with you in silence for hours and feel great about it later

Than to mumble some niceties to one another like we’re some dumb strangers!

I just don’t know anymore what I want.

To let you go and rot with what Ifs

Or run to you and live in hell for my sins!

That Scar

She opened her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised it was just a ‘nightmare’..

But she could hear her own heart beating like the sound of drums

The ‘nightmare’ took her back in time

When she was a young girl of only fifteen

Naive and innocent, believing every word he utters

Blinded so much with the thought of him and their love

Never once did she had any second thought about his intentions

Like all “love” stories, everything was beautiful initially

But as years went by, things started to change

Only she was still too blinded with her love for him

And sometimes it was too obvious that she noticed too

But she kept reminding herself that there is no life for her beyond him

How ignorant and foolish! She thought to herself wanting to go back and shake some sense into her fifteen years old self. 

Everybody kept questioning her why she chose the life she was living

She had no answers so her smile was always her replies

She made it her goal to make him a better person and prove everyone wrong

But the more she fought for him the more he fought with her

Deep inside she wanted to leave too but she knew there was no escape

He would not let her go

And she wonders why he wouldn’t let her go but wouldn’t treat her right either

She remembers how once he beat her up black and blue

Never in her life had she been that terrified

She thought he turned into a monster that night

And that was not the end

Infact it was the beginning of many such encounters

It was a secret though

She cannot say anything about it to anyone

She used to cry herself to sleep wondering why she has to go through it all

She was young and naive and foolish

She does not know what breaking up means

She thought the meaning of love was going through it all

It’s been almost a decade since she left him

Anything about him feels like a dream to her

It’s been ages since she thought of the pathetic life she used to live

There was life beyond him, it made her and broke her again too

And though she has learned to embrace it all

She shudders everytime she thinks of him

They say first cut is the deepest

She tried to forget everything about him

And just when she thought she had succeeded

He appeared in her dream

The same wretched and evil look

That sends the shiver down her spine

She felt herself trembling even in her dreams

How can she forget that look in his eyes

He was a monster

She was just relieved that it was only a nightmare..

She tossed and turned around to hug her pillow and slept off thinking how strong she has grown.. But secretly longing for strong arms to spoon her and make her feel safe at times like these when she was feeling defeated and fragile…

Dreams

Hello! My name is Kris
Hello! I know you’re Kris
But I just met you!
But I’ve met you not long ago
And may I ask when exactly?
You were introduced to me, in my dreams.

I think you’re the one for me
I’m afraid you’re mistaken
What do you mean?
Please don’t hurt her
But how do you know?
You told me about her, in my dreams.

Hey, I’m settling down with her
I know it
In your dreams?
Yes, you came to say your goodbye.

Hey..Congratulations! Baby boy, right!?
Thank you! But how’d you know?
You informed me!
I’m sorry but I don’t remember when!
Darling, nine months ago, in my dreams.

She went home a year ahead of him.
He felt old and fragile suddenly.
He went home too finally.
Honey, I’ve been waiting for you all along. You have done a great job. Welcome home.
He smiled at her as he sip his coffee reading the obituary in the newspaper written by his wife and kids of how much they miss him but also they were happy at the same time that he was in a better place. He couldn’t be happier too. He is home now.

Farewell

The void it left
The abyss for eternity
The darkness for this lifetime

Un-uttered words
Bottled-up feelings
Locked away forever

All up in flames
Right down to the ashes
We almost made it though

So go on darling
To your new voyage
Fare thee well

Until another time and space
Until another place in the universe
Until another lifetime

ena_awomi

Death Anniversary

Your loving face is still fresh on my mind
How you always spoke with elegance and kindness
How fascinated I was by you when I was little
By the way you applied your lipsticks and get dressed on Sunday mornings

I still remember days when you used to help us with homeworks
Whenever you were around, you always served us delicacies

How you always had something for me whenever you visited
How you always knew I loved fishes and fruits

As I grew I saw less of you
You were always sick
You travelled less
And I was busy with my life
Little did I knew then
That you were leaving soon

During your last days I met you
Oh! And how you complimented me on my health
How you looked at me with those same loving eyes
And how I tried to hold back my tears as I saw your deteriorating health

I knew you were leaving sooner than later
I came to talk to you..to say my goodbye
By then you had forgotten almost everything
You mumbled something to me
I tried to console you by saying it’ll be okay

I remember receiving the phone call of your parting
I still remember the day I cried on my way home
All the while feeling so small and helpless
How fragile are we all.. How very fragile!

It’s been two years now since you left
I still dream about you on some nights
You still have that calm and loving look even in my dreams
You still are remembered fondly
You had always been close to my heart
You always will be, dear Aunt.

ena_awomi

Homecoming

Of the things that was hurting her
Of the people that was haunting her
Of the memories that was killing her
She finally decided to let go

Of better and worse
Of rights and wrongs
Of could-haves and should-haves
She finally decided to leave it all behind

And the moment she let go
She knew she was flying
Flying to the unknown
But she knew there was a home
Waiting for her return
And she felt like a brave warrior
Returning from a battle
Only exhausted and weary
But not beaten or broken
She knew she was a hero

The Inevitable Change

Because you don’t always get what you wish for
And hearts were meant to be broken they say
Love comes softly when you least expect
And it leaves when you need it the most

Because that’s how you emerge stronger
And through the pain you become human they say
You are exactly where you’re supposed to be
But not exactly where you want to be

Sometimes you get what you wish for
But not at the time when you wished for
Only makes you realise to be careful what you wish for
For you no longer are who you were yesterday

Love can change to lust and lust changed to love
Nothing remains constant except change
But hearts were meant to be broken they say
And through the pain you become human they say

But love comes softly when you least expect
And it leaves when you need it the most